


I Help You Hate Me

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Auf Streife, Auf Streife: Die Spezialisten
Genre: AU, Bad grades, Brother AU, Disappointment, Doctor - Freeform, Family Drama, Police, and a very underrated emergency doctor, emergency doctor, featuring our favorite policeman, reaching your dreams, rough childhood, tw parental disappointment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: “That was my older brother, not a lover.”
Relationships: Moritz Breuer & Linus Hoffmann, Moritz Breuer/Arne Schneider
Kudos: 7





	I Help You Hate Me

**Author's Note:**

> On a random day I watched ASDS and Linus Hoffmann showed up and I think he and Moritz Breuer are brothers because they look like it. Enjoy reading.

Wordlessly I laid my school report paper in front of my dad, already readying myself to get shout at for being a disappointment. My grades looked horrible, not because I was lazy or something. I tried, I really tried but more than a C wouldn't be printed on my report, it was rather going downwards. It hurt myself and my self-esteem too, but what even more hurt in this exact moment was the fact that Linus, my 5-year older brother, was heard coming home and his school report would be made of purely A's, no exceptions.

“Oh Linus, you never fail to amaze me!” our father swooned as he saw what my brother gave to him. I rolled my eyes, turning around to retreat into my room. I didn't really want to listen to my parents praising Linus in greatest tones while I stayed a forgettable disappointment for them.

With a loud sigh I let myself fall on my bed, eyes fixed at the giant poster on the wall. It showed Tom Mayer, a policeman starring in my favorite TV series and also my greatest idol since I can properly think. I would've given everything to just meet him once. I wondered how his grades looked like, if he was a good or a bad student. I liked to imagine that he was just like me, and that you could become a policeman no matter what the grades on your report say. That was a dream of mine, a dream that formed just in this moment,

“Mom, Dad, guess what. I have to tell you something.” Linus walked into the living room, I was watching Tom doing his thing on the TV screen while our parents sat at the dining table. I lurked over, seeing my mother's big eyes, and hearing my dad muttering “If you want to tell us you're gay then please don't.”

I chuckled, internally, another reason why I was disappointing my parents and they didn't even know this side of me yet. Anyway, Linus had a wide smile on his face, so it most certainly wasn't him outing himself, sadly. He silently put a paper onto the table, and the cheers I heard afterwards already told me enough, ruining my mood to continue watching my show.

“I'm so proud of you! My best son!” our father exclaimed, hugging my brother.

“At least one of you is successful and useful! Linus, you're amazing!” our mother joined in and from that point on I knew that the rest of my life in this household would be miserable. My 20-year-old brother was accepted into med school, what else with his perfect grades. And what did I do? I watched a TV series about policemen, grasping the wish to become one of them, while my parents hated me for absolutely no reason.

Linus had to move out for his studies, into a whole other state, so he most certainly wouldn't visit home much. Better for me, having no one our parents could compare me to anymore.

“Hey, Moritz.” I heard his voice and someone walking into my room. I rolled my eyes, it was moving day and he really thought it would be necessary to give me a farewell. Sweet summer child.

“Linus.” murmured, not even giving him a look and rather focusing on the screen of my phone.

“I'll miss you, little brother.” he said, grabbing my shoulders. As if he really felt that, I doubted it.

“You'll miss being praised by mom and dad, being told that you're the better one of us. You're the king for them, I'm just a fucking peasant. I'd say I'll miss you too but I really don't, I really fucking don't.” I hissed, sounding way more aggressive than I wanted.

“You don't have to be this jealous, Moritz? I worked hard for this and the reward I got.” Linus said, way too calm to mock me. Things brothers knew about each other, how to piss each other off. And the way how Linus showed absolutely no emotion made my mood even worse. I knew that he just happened to be like this and didn’t do it on purpose, but my head didn’t think about that.

“If you'd know how hard I work to get appreciated by our parents, but every single time I make an effort, your sorry ass walks in and ruins everything!” I began shouting, pushing him away from me. The way he looked at me, rather than trying to calm me down he really helped me to hate him even more.

“I'm not sorry, Moritz. Just because you suck you don't have to tell me I'm a horrible person.” he crossed his arms, shaking his head. There it was, the judging big brother who thought he’s superior to me.

“Fuck off, and don't you dare to return to ruin my life even further.” I hissed as reply, sitting down onto my bed with my phone.

“Don't worry, I won't waste my time with an idiot like you. Bye, little brother.” he stated, turning around and smashing my door shut.

“I won't miss you.” I murmured, drowning into my series again. A toxic person cut out of my life, isn’t that how you were supposed to do it?

“You? A policeman? Hilarious!” my mother laughed, pushing away the flyers I put on the table in front of her. Little did she know that this wasn't a choice of hers, that I already had a confirmation for a spot at police school, that I would leave my parents' home in a few months and never return again. I laughed with her, plainly because I was finally an adult and not depending on both her and father anymore. I would finally have my own life to live, without my ignorant parents and idiotic brother. It would be such a relief.

“I know right? Which is also why I will leave in 4 months, to police school. I'm moving out, mom. I won't come back.” I stated, going immediately dead serious after my fake laughter. She stared at me in disbelief.

“You're a liar.” was heard from her mouth, but instead of feeling like shit, I smiled at her.

“You should cut me, a liar, out of your life, then.” I stated, taking the papers from the desk.

“Moritz, don't speak to your mother like that!” was all she could say. She didn't expect me getting a “real” job, a successful training and a way into making my greatest dream come true: becoming a policeman like my idol.

“I never knew my mother. She died years ago for me.” I muttered, walking into my room without looking back at her.

_“I swear to uphold the Basic Law and all applicable laws in the Federal Republic of Germany and to fulfill my official duties conscientiously.”_

Police inspector Moritz Breuer.

As if the day of my inauguration as a policeman wasn't special enough for me, my friends I made in the past years had prepared a surprise for me in the evening. I thought the whole day about it, what kind of prank they would put on me. At least it wouldn't be something illegal, we all were policemen and policewomen from that day on.

I got my eyes covered with a cloth, lead into one of the big “living rooms” we had in police school. I didn't waste any thoughts about my forgotten family, although watching my friends celebrating with their dearest spread an uncomfortable pain in my chest.

What else caused my chest to horribly ache was the thing I saw as the blindfold was removed from my head. It felt like as if I was put in a dream, falling into a black void of memories and feelings – purely overwhelming.

“Hello Moritz!” a voice I could recognize from millions reached my ears and I screamed as if there was no tomorrow as I saw who was standing in front of me. I didn't care about the fact he was actually a total stranger to me, but he also didn't seem to mind that I almost literally ran into his arms, hugging him harder than I ever hugged a person in my life - Tom Mayer, my greatest idol.

“This is the greatest day of my life.” I muttered into Tom's shoulder, feeling my eyes filling with tears of joy. I already stopped believing in meeting him one day, but apparently my friends thought otherwise. Tom laughed, gently patting my back. His touch spread a feeling inside of my body that felt foreign to me. It wasn’t love I felt, it was more like the warmth you would feel hugging someone like … your father, or mother. It fueled my tears even more, how I never got to experience the love of a parent until this very moment I had my arms wrapped around Tom.

“After all you've gone through to be here, and the fact your family didn't show up, we thought that bringing the one person who's always been a father figure to you to your day of inauguration!” Daniel, my closest friend, explained and I was left with no words to say. I stared at the man in front of me, as if I had never seen a policeman in my life, the fact that he was real and existed, right in this moment, killed me. Daniel knew everything about me, about my family and obviously about Tom, who was indeed the parent I had when I couldn't depend on my own anymore.

“I ... I don't know ... what to say ...” I stuttered, overwhelmed by my feelings. Tom looked so much less intimidating in real life. He was even taller than I was, his hair styled the usual way I was used to. He wore civil clothing, yet his aura made you know that he was an official, a policeman.

“Daniel has told me so much about you, how you've been following the series since you can think and how you're standing where you are right now just because some guy like me inspired you to become a policeman yourself. I'm proud of you, Moritz.” Tom exclaimed, and I felt more tears running down my face, that's how happy I was to hear his words for me. “It was really tough to hear about you and your family, and the fact you had to reach out for someone so far away as role model because your parents failed to be. Yet, I guess I did a good job, now that I look at you!” he added with a laughter that filled the room. My heart felt so light, free of any sorrows or worries.

“Do you even know ... how much this means to me?” I sniveled, searching for the piercing blue eyes of my idol. They felt like a light of hope, a calming sun after a storm.

“I feel it, and it's more than I could ever give back to you.”

It was until way too late in the morning that me, my friends and my new friend Tom sat together, telling and listening to stories of our lives as new and old policemen. Going to bed when most people already got up for the day again, I laid eyes open in my room. Was it even real? The fact that I got to meet Tom? The fact that he accepted me as a “son” of him? The fact that I could get my phone and text him anytime I wanted? Was that how you were supposed to befriend your greatest idol? For a moment I knew that I was the happiest person on earth, at least for a few seconds. This day should've stayed in my memories forever.

“16/23 from 16/01.” The radio spoke out Erik and my patrol number - time for work!

“16/23 listening.” Erik murmured into the transmitter.

“Traffic accident, Marktstraße. Special rights granted. Sounds pretty tough, ambulance and emergency doctor is rolling.” our colleague at the transmission station told. Everyday business.

“Got you, we are on the case.” Erik said, stucking the transmitter back into the radio.

“When even Nick says that it's tough ...” my patrol partner raised his eyebrows, I had to chuckle about his comment.

“What is ever NOT tough about our job?” I smiled and pressed the button to enable the siren and the blue warning light.

“You're right. Why am I even asking?” Erik laughed back, preparing for the upcoming case.

We arrived just a few seconds after the ambulance, the whole scene already looked pretty messy from afar. Erik and I both let out a deep sigh before leaving our car, trying to solve whatever was left to solve. Getting through the bunch of people uselessly watching the case, searching for the person who put the emergency call.

What looked messy from afar was basically only a rough looking car accident with luckily only one hurt victim. As I tried to coordinate the steps we - as police - had to do, it seemed as if I spotted a very familiar face in the corner of an eye.

The emergency doctor, walking right in front of me, suddenly stopped his movements to turn back into my direction.

“... Linus?” I muttered, standing mouth hanging open in front of the emergency doctor. I knew his face; I would never forget his face. It's been 15 years since I saw my brother for the last time, but his face was never erased from my memory.

“Moritz, oh my god.” he stuttered, blinking at me several times as if he was trying to wake himself out of a dream. “Later.” he added, patting my shoulder just to return caring about the victim. A pinch into my side by Erik pulled me out of my trance-like state, and I realized again where I happened to be.

My brother ... an emergency doctor? In Cologne? Wasn't he a doctor in some specialized hospital outside of NRW?

I had to push away my questions, work was calling.

I stood outside the ambulance, waiting until Erik was done doing the quick interrogation of the victim before they had to be brought to hospital. My thoughts came back, that I might've just met my brother by absolute accident at a case.

Thinking about him, I saw first Erik, then him jumping out of the car. My heart clenched together as I properly looked into Linus' face. He looked just like me, and I never realized that.

“We have to leave but please” he muttered, handing me a piece of paper “Let's meet off work, to talk about everything.” And in a blink of an eye, Linus was back in the ambulance, closing the door behind him. My head was empty as I stared at the numbers in my hand.

“I thought you're already in a relationship.” Erik raised his brow at me, little did he know.

“That was my older brother, not a lover.” I hissed, heading back to the patrol car, as our work was done too. I checked my watch, luckily my shift would be over in just an hour. I didn't have the clear mind I needed for my job anymore.

Nervously I tapped my fingers onto the kitchen counter, trying to rehearse how I wanted to tell Arne that we had to postpone the meeting of our upcoming anniversary day because for some reason, I met my brother again. His schedule was as tight as mine, so said Wednesday was the only possibility - next to the fact Arne and I wanted to celebrate our relationship lasting for 3 years already. It was a hard decision, between family and love, but I knew Arne and my schedules were easier to coordinate than Linus and mine. And I hoped that Arne would understand my struggle.

The doorbell rang, I felt my heart pumping as if death himself was going to visit me. Arne would instantly see the worry in my eyes, not much of a good transition to my problem needed. As if put in a bad movie, in front of the door stood my idiot lover, leaned against the wall with a rose stuck in his mouth. I had to laugh at that sight, he was so unique.

“Hello, amour.” he seductively raised a brow at me, which made me both blush and also laugh even harder. After a few seconds, Arne too began to chuckle, walking closer to pull me into a hug.

“Good evening, sweetheart.” he murmured into my shoulder, walking inside of my hallway together with me, closing the door behind us.

“Good evening.” I replied, locking my eyes with the blueish ones of my partner. As expected, Arne immediately felt that something was wrong, and he was instantly worried. I didn't like how much he got affected by my problems every time, but he wasn’t perfect either.

“Something is going on inside of your blonde head.” he said, brushing his fingers through my – apparently very blonde – hair.

“Kiss me, then we can talk.” I stated, feeling a pair of soft lips on mine just a mere second later. I felt the warmth spreading inside of my body, the pure love that Arne made me feel whenever I was with him.

“I love you.” I whispered, almost inaudibly. My partner smiled, running his hand over my chest before pulling me towards the living room.

“Now, what's troubling my boy?” Arne asked as we sat on my couch, hands entwined.

“See, next week is our anniversary. I'm going right to the point; we have to postpone our meeting.” I sighed, looking at the floor instead of my partner. That didn’t last for long because he grabbed my chin to lock our eyes again.

“Why? Did something happen?” Arne exclaimed, confused about my cancellation of plans like this.

“It's ... complicated. See, a few days ago I was on a case with Erik, and we had to call an emergency doc and all. Long story short, the doctor happened to be my brother, whom I've seen the last time 15 years ago. His schedule is tight, and the only free day he has is the day of our anniversary.” I tried to explain the matter with trembling hands. Too scared I was of the reaction that was coming up, if Arne would be disappointed in me.

“Are you ... for real?” he asked, not in a mad tone, he was rather asking the question out of interest. I was surprised.

“I am. It's important. You're important too, and our anniversary even more, but this is about Linus, my only relative I still could have hope in. Our childhood was difficult; we weren't supposed to be separated for almost two decades.” I began to ramble, Arne obviously knew the story of my life, of my family.

“Hey, Mo.” Arne whispered, cupping my cheek with his hand. “It's okay. Our anniversary doesn't run away from us. Your brother could.” he smiled, brushing his thumb gently over my nose. Why was I even scared? I wouldn't be in a relationship with him would he not understand my problems.

“Thank you ... what would I be without you ...” I murmured, shifting closer towards him.

“You would be lonely and sad and straight.” Arne chuckled, and the way he smiled at me blew away my bad feelings just like that. I had to give a laugh, why this idiot ended up to be my dearest human on earth.

I watched the people passing the small cafe in a side street of my beloved Cologne, my home since I became a policeman. Linus and I decided to meet at neutral space, we both still felt the tension inside of us that hasn't been solved since the day he moved out and we talked for the last time. I didn't feel hate, though. That feeling vanished somewhere among these 15 years.

I spotted a man approaching the cafe, and the way he walked, his clothing and most of all his face reminded me so much of myself, I almost believed that I actually had a twin. I raised from my chair, waving so he'd notice me. And then it came over us like a storm, Linus and I stood in front of each other, zero words said but after all we were siblings, we knew what the other thought in this moment. Linus began to smile, and as he spread his arms for a hug I didn't even hesitate to throw my arms around him.

“My little brother.” Linus muttered, tightening the hug until he reached the peak of his strength. I chuckled, there was a reason why I was the policeman and he the doctor.

“My big brother, I lied to you back when we were young. I missed you.” I stated by all honesty, receiving a laugh.

“Alright, first of all, I didn't know you became a policeman. Mom and dad never told me, back when I still talked to them.” Linus exclaimed, eyeing my face closely. Maybe he was just as confused about our similarities as I was.

“Yeah, it wasn't just a phase, after all. I even got to meet Tom, do you remember him? We still talk from time to time. You actually talked to our parents after you moved? I don't even know anymore where they live, I cut them out of my life since police school.” I laughed. Seems like we both shared a deep dislike of our biological creators.

“I was too late to realize what they really did to you, and at that point it felt like everything was ruined anyways, you'd be able to somehow handle it - and you did, as I see! Tom ... the guy from the posters? Isn't he like, famous or something?” my brother asked. It was fascinating to see, how he actually cared and how he wanted to catch up on all that we missed of each other's lives.

“Exactly. Somehow, my friends organized a meeting between him and me, and that was kind of a turning point of my life, family-wise. Promised myself to never waste a thought on my family again. I guess I can make an exception for you, though. By the way, I think the paramedics called you a different surname, what's about that?” I asked. I couldn't remember what exactly they said, but it wasn't Breuer for sure. My brother laughed, looking down onto his hands. A ring shined from his right hand.

“It's Linus Hoffmann now. Me and my wife married 6 years ago, I also have two children, Amelie and Moritz. How is your love life doing?”

“Wait a minute, you named your son after your brother?” I stared at him with big eyes.

“I thought I'd never see you again, and you're still my sibling after all. He even looks like you, would be pretty cool if little Moritz would meet his uncle Moritz one day.” Linus explained. I was fascinated, how he always seemed to have cared about me and my being. It was touching, in a way.

“Tell him his uncle, the policeman, would love to meet him one day.” I smiled, coming back to his question. “My love life? Today is actually our third anniversary, I postponed date-night for you. Maybe you expected it or something, his name is Arne.”

“Show me a picture!” Linus was excited, all of a sudden as he heard about my boyfriend. I unlocked my phone, showing him the wallpaper - a picture of Arne and me in our police uniforms, pretty fancy looking.

“He's much older than you, isn't he? Also, I now feel bad to ruin your special day like this.” Linus stated, and his face told me that he was sorry for real. I didn't expect such a positive reaction of him, after all the stuff our parents used to say about homosexual people, without knowledge of me being gay since I could properly think.

“It's alright. He wants to meet you, too. We should make some kind of meeting of both our families. Your kids will make big eyes having two policemen standing in front of them.” I winked, and my brother agreed.

“Talking about policemen, have you always been working in Cologne?” Linus asked what I actually too wanted to ask him in the same breath, just regarding to his job.

“Yeah, after police school I found a spot at one of the departments around and have been working there since. I also met my partner there, obviously. How about you? I remember you used to work in that hospital, can't recall what it was specialized in. How did you end up as emergency doctor in this messy city?”

“Specialized on surgeries. I never became a full blown surgeon, sadly, way too nervous hands for that matter. It was actually something I stumbled upon accidentally, that hospitals in Cologne needed new emergency doctors. I didn't want to rot any further in that hospital, so I took it all on one card, moved to Cologne and ended up where I am right now. And I love this job. It's hard, of course, but it's what I always wanted to be. You'll understand me on this matter.” he explained, I nodded. It’s what I always wanted to be ...

Impatiently I waited for the Message-Sound of my phone, and when I heard the ringing I instantly picked it up. A text from Tom Mayer.

_“I'm so glad to hear that you found your brother in a moment you never could've expected! I'm still proud of you, for all the way you went until this point, I remember the day you met me for the first time, deep disappointment regarding your family. Now look where you are, winning back a part of your blood-bound family to your chosen family. I'm proud, Moritz, very proud and happy for you.”_


End file.
